!!! Trapped In Life !!!

It so happens to me that I have an important assignment at hand that needs to be done urgently, or an exam scheduled the next day, but I end up in a bad mood which arises out of nothing..or may be out of a very very small problem which itself is oblivious of its existence..Whenever I am confronted with such a situation, the result is I end up doing nothing the whole day and so suffering negatively when the results are out.Why it happens so?Why are we carried away by such paltry things?The reason may be is that people like me lack determination.Or may be they are emotionally weak. I would never like to call myself any of these..But the reality is something or the other needs to be changed. I am always willing to change myself, but then also I lack the determination to do it effectively. Today I thought of starting my day with a good studying schedule.But somewhere in the corner of my mind had a feeling of selfevaluation..So althrough the time when i was trying to study,I had a feeling leaving it and doing the latter job, though i expected myself commiting to my studies.It isn't so that i ve not realized my duties as a student or i have misplaced priorities,But I get myself carried off very easily and reach a destination where every part of myself refuses to do anything..showing resistance to each n every thing... Hoping that soon i ll find effective means and measures to change myself and direct my efforts nicely..

I never understand what exactly is the need for following others?? Can't a person be what he/she is?? Can't a person speak his/her mind out without thinking what others would think of him/her. It happens to me when sometimes I am engulfed in a desire to say anything and everything. Its like just to discuss the very thought that I have sometimes. But its not considered good to speak too much, and at others, it is not considered good to talk anything senseless. But what about the emotions and feelings that dwell deep inside one and try their best to surface out, but are forced to push deeper within, and these keeps on accumulating inside one, and then one day escape with a burst.You know what I am doing right now. I am just speaking my mind out, I am saying anything because I feel like saying it. I know to most of the people it is senseless, but then I don't care about anything, as I can be the most careless and insensitive ones at times..:-)

I feel like writing this post because one of my friends appreciated my other posts(I assume that he was not kidding :-) ) and now I feel motivated to write another post. He asked me why have I stopped writing? I said because I no longer feel like writing. He asked if there are some personal issues. I answered the problems have been sorted out, thats why I don't feel like writing anymore. I said that in a lighter note. But now I realize the gravity of the statement made by me and I wonder if it is really true. Ya indeed I have greatly changed the emotional setup that I had built around me. And I consider those changes to be indeed very positive. I hope to advance on this path of throwing the negatives out of myself and adopt as much good as I can..I wish All The Best to myself.. :-)